The Message

It was right smack dab in the middle of the apocalypse of the entire world that the cell phone rang.  In between the attack of the locust scorpions and the angels riding horses with lion heads and breathing fire, was heard the familiar theme of “I Love Lucy.”  Dah, dah, dah, dot dot dot dot da, dah…  Some of this morning’s faithful joined me as we watched the callous offender get up out of the pew and stumble over agitated knees and laps while discreetly answering the call.  “Hey Chuck, how’s it hanging?  Hold on a sec I’m in church, excuse me, excuse me pardon me…”  The Pastor was much too far away to notice anything but the movement among the saintly herd, but he surmised that it was yet another cell phone interruption, and according to his much accustomed practice, he made a quick joke about answering only the calls from the almighty and expeditiously brought us all back to the terror of the good book. 

      Here I sit yet again in a pew, in a church, in a city, in a state, in a country on a Sunday like I have done for the past 2184 Sundays.  I am a church going every man.  I was raised a Catholic but around the 936th Sunday, I was convinced by the entreaties of a holy man that what was missing in my life was a relationship with the Lord Jesus.  He was right.  I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus but who could fault me.  The man was dead and had been, or so I thought, for the last one thousand nine hundred and eighty two years!  But He is not.  He is alive in me… just barely. 

     In the seventh year of the new millennium, the world and everything in it, is on board an out of control shopping cart headed straight for hell, and everyone is happy.  Church people are happy because this will finally show all those nay Sayers that God really is pissed off at them and is about to take them all to the wood shed.  The anti religious are happy because they get to see the slow agonizing death of Christianity as all hope of a kind, personal God who protects the weak against the abuses of the strong, fades with every job that is shipped over seas to the Buddhists.  The poor are happy because this will finally mean an end to those blasted lottery tickets that raise hope and then dash them with only one number match on the way to work that sucks.  The rich are happy because they know that if anyone can survive the end of the world, it’s them. 

     The world has changed.  I’m not referring to the advances of science and technology; I mean the collective has changed.  There used to be a sense of community among the masses, an unspoken connection with the guy next to you that we could all count on.  A grand sense of right and wrong, up and down that all but a small minority could relate to.   Take for example Lucy and Ricky.  Here you had a red headed white woman married to a Cuban band leader with the thickest accent since the Cisco Kid, and all of
America loved them.  From a small apartment with two small beds in the master bedroom, they lived a life that made everyone believe that marriage could be fun.  I remember viewing a documentary once that mentioned the letters from some housewives that said that their marriages were restored and some saved out right through this television series!  But, as is the case, in the same documentary the indiscretions of good old Desi Arnaz were also brought to light and the vision was forever tarnished.  Another one of our utopian dreams fallen by the wayside. 

     Where have all the good guys gone?  The truth is that there are never many good guys to begin with.  The world according to this every man is as follows:  there are few truly good, few truly wicked, and a buttload of fools somewhere in the middle.  Sorry Lord.  This church, for example is a microcosm of the actual world.  There are those in this congregation truly committed to following the Lord Jesus no matter the costs.  They fell in love with the Lord and they follow him and not the person behind the pulpit.  Then there are others here that use the church life as camouflage for the secret life of vice that they keep.  Pornography, adultery, lust of money, you can sense it from the little things that some say or do, almost as if they are suppressing that which struggles to surface.  Most of us though are somewhere in between as fools of some sort or another.  Some fools are here because this is where God lives and, just like your mother, you should visit at least once a week and most Holy days.  Other fools are here to soak up all the bible theology they can so that they can go out and, in the name of Jesus, beat the tar out of every Catholic, Mormon or Jehovah’s Witness that crosses their holy path (this works best on family members).   Some fools are soul winners racking up the holy points that they’ll trade in for the biggest crown and the biggest mansion this side of the Pearly Gates.  Can’t you just see all the envious eyes (holy envy of course) when God doles out the top prizes for biggest soul winners!  By far though, the vast majority of fools in this congregation are the simple; those that are captivated by the personality behind the pulpit.  These are those that were not saved by Jesus but by the pastor, and they follow him like most Catholics follow a favorite priest. 

     Then there is my kind of fool.  The fool that dreams of the day when church folks will somehow get along with doubters and atheists since their lack of faith should not sway us from ours.  The fool that believes that there are genuinely godly people, a faith filled remnant, among other religions and faiths but doesn’t dare tell a soul for fear of being pile driven face first in to a holy inquisition, which in my church leads straight to the gallows of public humiliation and the fiery furnace of ostracization (not sure if that’s a word…).    Anyway, I’m the type of fool that looks forward to the day when all of the faith filled remnant will get so sick of the avalanche of bullshit that has overrun all of us that we will dare leave our holy fortresses to start cleaning up this mess we call our planet, accepting help from whomever is willing, regardless of their creed.    

     I remember when old ladies used to be nice.  That went out around the time that young people forgot how to be respectful.  If I’ve pegged it right, both resulted from the time that prime time T.V betrayed us all and started serving up sex and violence when the most eyes were watching.  Those channel Execs serve up evil and vanity like chocolate and strawberry!   It’s not only T.V. but anywhere in print, video, audio, or internet; you’ll get your chance, like it or not, to ogle some scantily clad goddess out to sell you tires or some other crap.  Sorry Lord.   Remember when vanilla used to be a flavor?  Happy Days followed by Laverne and Shirley.  I miss you… 

     There is a bad spirit going around the world of men like a disease.  It is a deep, deep soul cold and we are all sick.  I know who caught it first.  It was the smart guys who figured out that there is no God.  With no God to answer too, there is no need to pretend that we care!  This may work for the soul that is restless to explore, but it wreaks insane havoc on the naked majority.  I know that what I am saying is true because I’ve allowed myself to imagine the world without God and I do not like it.

      I sense that mankind is fast reaching the boundaries of a rapidly eroding dependency upon God, the great Other.  From the edge of these limits, the fringe of the road, we are staring at the ominous chasm of self sufficiency.  Have we outgrown our heavenly parent?   Is He really no more than an antiquated belief of a long since past? I certainly don’t believe that but who am I?  I am an every man and a no man when it comes to the direction that our world is heading and of the drivers of this vehicle of human progress. 

     The greed in men is running this town. These are the guys that want to entice me by sight, sound, touch, taste and smell to whatever it is they’re selling and I’m supposed to be reassured by their lack of a moral compass?   Damn right I’m scared!  We are driving off of the only road Homo sapiens has ever known; Faith Town 500 miles behind us, confident that we’ll be able to overcome our differences without harkening to some moral standard or much less, a moral law giver.    I have a feeling that we are all going to get jacked up!  Sorry Lord.  This world is going to feed on itself and cause all sane spirits to run for the hills.  No, I am not for that world and I don’t want my children to grow up there either.  That is why I am here in this church, in this city, in this state, in this country, on this Sunday.

     I go to the McChurch in beautiful Montecito
California where they have served pie in the sky to over 10,000 now and counting.  Sorry Lord.  I know that the Son of God will forgive my mouthiness.  Now the sons of Adam though are a different sort, not particular to forgiving a disparate word.   You give me anyone whose job or desire is to say, “thus saith the Lord”, and I will show you someone who has everything to lose if any of the faithful herd starts thinking on its own.  Heaven itself shall tremble in the presence of a Pharisee.  Hiding one’s thoughts is easy enough in a McChurch.  What I can’t seem to stop from hiding though are my feelings.  It’s those two darn commandments that you said summed up the whole of the Old Testament; they just gnaw at me.  “Love the Lord with all your heart with all your soul and with all of your strength, and, love your neighbor as yourself.”   I know I’m not doing that by sitting in these Church services am I Lord?  None of us are; not the people next to me, not the ushers, not the choir, not the Pastor.  The best that we can say is that we love those that love us and serve those who live according to our ways.  How safe and hygienic, nothing like the cross you said to pick up after you… 

     It is generally accepted that churches are spiritual hospitals that care for the souls of men and I find the analogy appropriate and exact.  No one wants to find themselves in a hospital or in a church if it can be at all helped!  Sometimes though, destiny just exudes its sovereignty over us.    I arrived at this hospital in Montecito in order that I might be healed by the Great Physician.  He was every bit the Healer that I had heard He was, I owe my life to Him. It was only during recovery sessions though, that I was made gradually aware by the hospital Administrators that the cure only works if you stay within the confines of the institution (spooky in a Don Henley, Hotel California sort of way).  From the Great Physician himself I hear a different story though.  He says he practices Pro Bono and is available everywhere to anyone.  I believe Him over them, but they are  the HMO, and if you have ever had the misfortune of an HMO, then you know that the gatekeeper is omnipotent.

      Polarized atop this holy fortress, one of the faithful many, I stray nowhere and dare nothing.  What if I tried to move on and seek out others like me?  But the devil is out there!  It would require me to differ openly with the holy enclave and someone is bound to point me out.  The devil will consume you; your soul will be lost forever!   Even if I found some others, what would we have in common that would overcome all that keeps us separated?  Is dissatisfaction with the status quo enough of a platform to warrant a new beginning?   The devil will deceive you! 

Man, FUCK THE DEVIL! 

     I’m sorry Lord; I know I shouldn’t be swearing in church, especially in the middle of the apocalypse!  Lord, I’m terribly sorry for my mouth and for my thoughts as I’m sure that I’m damnable on many counts, but you gotta help me.  I know you said you’d be back to set things right and it has been more than two thousand years since you said it, but that’s cool!  If anybody can be late, it’s you Lord.  Anyway, help me look for the goodness in other men.  Help me find a way to overcome everything that keeps me from being true to you and shine forth as the day.   I wish to be that light that will revive common sense in people.  I’m sick of thinking that I have to agree with others on every doctrine and interpretation in order for us to bring about your kingdom.   I don’t want to just hear about Heaven in church, I want to see it!  Show me what I can’t see! 

      What I couldn’t see was the ceiling tile directly over head, as it fell from the heavenly’s, straight as the plumber’s line, right atop the crest of my idea-filled cranium